I don't know how to be in the world anymore.
Y por primera vez en mucho tiempo siento que quiero escribir en Español. Me siento ajena a todo en este momento, incluso al idioma anglosajón con el que vivo mi día a día.
Intento entender el sentido de mi vida y a dónde voy, pero me siento perdida entre sueños que no llegan y pesadillas de las que no hay despertar. Pero intento. Intento time after time, and again.
Estaba hablando con alguien que pensé me gustaba y me dejé llevar sólo para que de pronto me dijera que we should just take it easy and just have a simple meet up. And I felt like a fucking idiot.
There is nothing simple about me, and I don't know if I want to be with someone who thinks this is enough. And maybe I have a big ego, but I... Suddenly lost the drive and attraction for this person. Just like that.
Just like that.
Y tal vez es que ya he pasado por tanto que sólo quiero algo extraordinario y no voy a settle for just a simple thing. I just... rather be on my own. Laura a secas. It is safer. It is easier. It is... real.
And I felt like crying. I shed a tear... and then I remembered I don't even know this man. I can just spare myself this pain and never meet him. And it will be like it never happened. And maybe it's for the best.
Creo que no me siento lista para jugar este juego otra vez. Sólo quiero estar.
Y no sé porqué pensé that this man was the one. Maybe I'm just so tired of all these apps. I think... I got my sign.
And... that is all there is. Little Lexy and me will be ok. It was just another match. There will be more. Maybe I am a Samantha after all.
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